Friday, December 24, 2010

Stay Cool. Be Warm.

I'm a fan of cold weather. I know. I'm quite the rare breed. What I'm not a fan of, is looking 40 pounds heavier due to excess layering and/or spending hundreds of dollars on like 2 expensive thin layering pieces that don't even work. Enter Uniqlo's Heat Tech.
Totally fashionable AND totally affordable, Uniqlo's Heat Tech collection always draws the crowds every year. They have all kinds of heat generating pieces: Socks, leggings, jeans, short sleeve shirts, spaghetti strap shirts, long sleeve shirts, gloves, scarves, leg warmers, underwear, coats---anything you can imagine. I mean most of it feels thinner than silk and some of that Under Armour stuff, but somehow it keeps me so warm, I practically sweat!
With stylish colors and patterns and nothing costing over $40, I promise you'll be satisfied, insanely warm, and pretty damn stylish.

Thursday, December 2, 2010


Ladies and gentlemen--especially gentlemen:
You stink. Like seriously, you really stink. You're probably in denial b/c you're used to how you smell, and your significant other is either used to it , or just too nice/scared to tell you. I've dressed a lot of people who are considered famous. Most of them smelled pretty nice but there's a select few who would really reek in certain areas of their garments. It never failed: the stench of pure rotten onions, old cabbage soup and/or a polluted ocean permeated the dressing room and singed my nose hairs. Some people can't help it. There's an allergy to lanolin, aluminum, fragrance, basically anything that would help with one's body odor.
I'm here to help.
You don't have to do all of the things listed below, but a combination of 1 or 2 could really change your life...who knows you may see yourself getting laid for once/more often. <--ZING!

1.) This one is the absolute must. Make sure your garments are machine washable. Buy yourself a large jug of white vinegar. The most I've ever paid is $3.00. Soak the garments in the vinegar for 1-2 hours. Do not worry about damaging the material. White vinegar actually sets dye which prevents fading. Its one of those weird phenomenons where its strong enough to kill bad odors and remove stains, but too weak to damage clothing. Oh yeah, that's right. White vinegar also removes stains! Anyways, once you're done soaking, toss your garments in the wash like normal. If its really bad, you may have to do this a couple times.

2.) Watch what you eat and drink. Ever smell a drunk person? Their pores are sweating all that goodness onto their clothes. It doesn't smell sexy at all. Same goes with fried foods and certain vegetables. Certain fabrics aren't so easy to treat, and once they absorb an odor, its going to get pretty expensive to get that odor out. Hello drycleaning bill...

3.) Be tidy. When you come home, don't put your clothes in a pile on the floor, especially if you plan on wearing them again before adding them into the laundry load. Hang them up so the garments can air out. Spray some Downey Wrinkle Release or Febreeze, so you'll at least wear the illusion of cleanliness. If you're allergic, here's an old trick we did for the ballet: VODKA. Buy yourself a cheap well vodka and put a few shots in a spray bottle. Lightly spritz the garment and it will neutralize any odors. This also works well on shoes.

4.) If you're one who perspires on the heavy side, I suggest you wear dress shields or panty liners in your shirts, dresses, and jackets. Insert them under your pits. Its a very discreet and inexpensive way to keep your nice clothes from getting damaged. If you sweat in other places, rub generous amounts of baby powder on the area. This also prevents chaffing.
*Sweating is very good for you by the way. It's your body's way of flushing out toxins. Unfortunately, it's just bad for your clothes.

5.) This one doesn't really have anything to do with smells...just a nifty laundry tip. Wash your clothes in COLD water. Studies show that the water temperature has no effect on the amount of bacteria that's washed away in the spin cycle. This is a great way to reduce your carbon footprint AND you won't risk damaging and shrinking your clothes.

I was inspired to type this after getting my costumes back from a show I closed. 3 days later, I regained consciousness and began Project: Smell Good. Unfortunately some pieces just weren't salvageable. I'm not giving up though. I will make them smell better.

Keep smellin' pretty, yall.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Love Letter

I doubt my blog will ever reach Miss Ann, but I don't care. She deserves this.
To the lovely Miss Ann Ward,
At 6'2 and roughly 98 pounds, you are absolutely stunning. The rush of excitement and pride filled my living room when Tyra Banks revealed that you had in fact won the title of America's Next Top Model. Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks as you finally embraced the fact that you--yes YOU are beautiful, and beautiful enough to be given that title.
It makes me so sad that you had to endure such a painful childhood over something you had absolutely no control over. I myself was constantly tormented by my own family and classmates for being different, and am still struggling to this day. I admire you for having such a close relationship with your family and remaining strong enough to get to where you are today. I think you photograph beautifully and and everything about you is absolutely amazing. I hope one day I am lucky enough to dress you or even just be graced by your presence.
Ann, you are a one in a million kind of girl and I can't wait to see your Vogue spread. Do not let anyone ever make you feel small for being so tall, and always remind yourself that you are beautiful.
Thanks for being different and awesome.