Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Conversations From Set

Me vs. The HMU Key
I get in the crew van as it takes off for the hourlong drive to set.  I said "good morning" to her and she looked past me and continued to gossip about famous people.  We arrive at the MoHo and I take off my jacket.  She comes up to me and says "are you wardrobe or talent?"  I answered wardrobe.  
"Oh," she says.  "My name is XYZ".  
"Hello!  Its nice to meet you!  I guess we could've done this in the van or something"  I extended my hand to shake hers.  She walks away and says "Nah.  I wouldn't have wanted to spend an hour talking with you on the way here".  She forgot my name and referred to me as "hey".  Hello, nemesis.

Me vs. The Other Stylist
There is one bathroom in the MoHo.  I've occupied it.  There is a knock at the door.  I clear my throat as sort of the universal noise for "occupied".  I handle my business, wash my hands and open the door to see her standing there.  Its awkward.  I hold the door open for her.  She does not move.  Finally, I ask, "I'm sorry, did I take too long?  Do you need the bathroom?"
She says, "Is it safe to go in there?"
I cock my head to the side and shrug.  I put my head in the doorway and ask in a French accent, "Hello, are there any boogie monsters lurking in the toilet?"
She sighs heavily, "Does it smell safe in there?!"
'Dafuck is she talking about?  I take a deep breath.  "Smells fresh and so clean clean!"

Me vs. The MoHo Door
Me:  this door hates me
Driver:  no it doesn't.  You're just not doing it right.  You have to tilt the handle upward like this. (demonstrates once; I try it after him.  It doesn't work)
Me:  your door is just racist.  


::::shuffle shuffle giggle giggle::::
HMU: what the? What are you doing?!
Me: just seeing if I can fit into the shoe bag. 
HMU: why?
Me: I like to challenge myself.

HMU: ooooo me next! Me next!

And that's how we make peace.

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